I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
