i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's get the cat blown out
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
