We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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