You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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