This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
