I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
