dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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