i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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