i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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