Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
