if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
