yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
