It's Friday. Sex?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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