Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
