She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
