I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
