Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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