we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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