When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
