i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
