ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
