Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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