I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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