You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
