this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
