My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
