She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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