Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
