so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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