I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
