I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
