i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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