dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
