Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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