it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
