It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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