i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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