Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want her autograph on my taint
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
