I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
