we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
