Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
