I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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