She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
