Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
