So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
