You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
