What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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