I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
