don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
