i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
