Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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